be present.

"in life, there are no ordinary moments. most of us never really recognize the most significant moments of our lives when they're happening." -kathleen magee

conference weekend equals the best weekend. there is seriously nothing like it. while talking with a friend he asked how i enjoyed my weekend and i said there are few things that i like more than general conference. he then asked me what those few things were. i honestly had a little bit of a struggle coming up with them. obviously time with family and certain friends is absolutely wonderful and maybe a couple of musical moments would be up there as well, but conference weekend as a whole just has it all. family. food. relaxation. and most important modern revelation/guidance from our heavenly father. prayers were answered, personal revelation was received, reminders were given and i was given a spiritual boost to keep on keepin' on. i enjoyed the common theme of true discipleship and how we can work towards that. i really try each day to live in a way to have the spirit as a constant companion. we can receive so much from him-comfort, guidance, strength, answers, promptings, etc. i felt the impression to really do better at keeping a journal (which i thought was interesting because no one really talked about that specifically this conference) i know myself and know that if i try to keep a regular journal it only lasts about a week because it becomes too big of a task. so i decided i'll begin the habit by keeping a gratitude journal. by actively looking for the tender mercies the Lord blesses me with, i will notice more blessings from Him and will become even more grateful. i will begin by expressing gratitude for our prophet thomas s. monson and the twelve apostles. alright, basically i am grateful for all the leaders of the church. i'm grateful for the opportunity i had to listen and learn from them last weekend. this weekend there were no ordinary moments. "most of us never really recognize the most significant moments of our lives when they're happening." if anyone didn't get a chance to watch or listen to conference i'd encourage you to visit lds.org and do just that. don't miss out on the significant moments that took place that can be life changing.

be strong.

"we define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worst that has been done to us." -edward lewis

for some reason my body is physically acting different when i speak in public nowadays. this has never happened to me before but this semester i have been significantly more timid in class. whenever i man up and make a comment i feel my face get flushed, my body temperature rises about 10 degrees, and i start sweating for at least the next 5 minutes. why is this happening?? i'm not usually one who is shy or gets embarrassed. help! if i'm not careful i will become more and more like my dear friend eeyore here.

i am not sure why this is occurring but i have a feeling that this is not the only area of life where i have adopted a feeling of timidness. i have become somewhat fearful in general. i fear failure. i fear being lied to. i fear what the future brings. i fear what the future doesn't bring. i fear hard things. i fear rejection. i fear hurting someone. i fear getting hurt. i fear being alone. this is not good. fear and faith cannot coexist within us. i need to rid myself of these fears. i should not and will not define myself by what has been done to me to cause me to be fearful. by finding the best in my i will become who i want to be. finding gratitude for all things in my life will be one of the first steps i will take by replacing fear with faith. maybe once i'm successful with this i will stop getting flustered every time i open my mouth in public. be strong. 

be first.

"to achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must ne thought." -tom robbins

i have wanted to make a bucket list for some time now. i love hearing others lists and admire them for dreaming big (or just dreaming creatively and randomly. i know a lot of mine are silly but they're silly little dreams that are important to me). i think im slightly afraid of wanting something great. i don't know why but i want that to stop. i can do hard things. i can do great things. "you is kind, you is smart, you is important." here's to dreaming big and thinking the unthinkable...

bucket list.

learn how to french braid 

live in a foreign country

run another half marathon
write a song

take a photography class
learn (again) to play the guitar

backpack through europe

plant a garden
do a sprint triathlon
perform at an open mic night

married in the temple

sew a dress

new york trip in the fall primarily to see a ton of shows on broadway

go to every temple in utah

dye my hair dark brown...for a little while. i hear that blonde's have more fun. 

humanitarian trip to africa

go hot air ballooning

pay for a strangers meal at a restaurant

build my own home (alright, well design it at least)

be a successful business woman/mom and own a cafe-jam by cam

rock the pixie cut (post wedding of course)

serve a full time lds mission

and since i absolutely love fall and feel like sometimes i don't take advantage of this time of year i made a fall bucket list. two years ago i lived in china so i missed my utah fall. last year i was too in love to think about anything that wasn't 6'2" with blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, and a freckle near his lips that made my knees go weak...neither china or that distracting male are in my life presently and i keep thinking about how i missed out on certain things during those two falls because of them. needless to say i'm not missing out on anything this year.

fall bucket list.

make my own pumpkin-spice-something-drink

go on a hike once leaves change

do a fall-themed craft (maybe i'll finally jump on board with pinterest)

rake leaves for a widow

carve a pumpkin

purchase a new scarf
go to frightmares or a haunted house

drive up the canyon

get donuts and hot cocoa on a chilly evening

make a pumpkin chiffon pie

perfect my butternut squash soup recipe

go to a soccer game

run a half marathon (ok this isn't really fall related but i put it on so i had to sign up for one this fall)

go camping

be ready.

"perhaps this very instant is your time." -louise bogan

a few things:
1) i realize i have a whole summer to catch up on and that will happen...just not right now. i wish i had the time tonight to recap the wonderful summer i just had, but i don't. 
2) my good friend chris and new friend jim helped me remind me of a few important things. i am grateful that people are put into our lives to help teach us what the lord knows we need to hear. jim tracey is a man i met at the jamestown assisted living center. i am going to visit with people there once a week for a class project and i can already tell that i will treasure the time i will spend with these wise, elderly people. jim reminded me that i am in control of my happiness. i am in control of those who i surround myself with, and if they aren't happy or don't make me happy then i need to change that. being happy is one of the greatest blessings and i think we can control it more than we realize. chris helped me see that i need to be stronger. i need to take control of life situations and realize that the "downs" and times that hurt are times of growth and development. i need to not stress so much and can accomplish this by setting long term goals and making future plans. friends are wonderful. they often seem to give the exact pick-me-up needed. i will remember these wise words of wisdom and will work on developing these qualities so i will be ready with whatever this time of life has to offer. perhaps this very instant is my time. 
3) chris also told me a few things that are on his bucket list and i was upset with myself for not having one. it is a goal of mine to have that posted shortly. 

be boundless.

"there are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."-douglas everett

i just wanted to give a shout out to my best brother in the whole world and my wonderful cousin, both who our serving our great country right now. today i have reflected on how blessed i am to live in america with the freedoms i have and why i am able to enjoy them. i enjoy them because of the hundreds and thousands of men and women who have been bringing to life the dreams of america through their unimaginable service and sacrifice. thank you so much scott and michael, and to all those who have served and are serving our country.  

we celebrated memorial day along with three birthdays at the hirschi's tonight. the food was to die for (i seriously ate like i hadn't eaten in a month. so worth it though.) the weather was absolutely perfect so we sat outside all evening and enjoyed watching the kids on the tramp (grandpa was on there too at one point-always a crowd pleaser), kaelin serenading us with the ukulele, a little dance concert/cries of freedom practice, and halle, jennie, and millie open their presents. it was a wonderful night filled with fun,food,&family.  

i wore this shirt in honor of my grandma blackham. i inherited it from her after she died. 

missing and thinking of you today grams! along with gramps and grandpa scott. so grateful for my testimony and knowledge that i will see you again. can't wait!

be proactive.

"whatever you are meant to do, move toward it and it will come to you." -gloria dunn


i'm not sure exactly what i am supposed to be doing right now with my life. the two things i know for sure are: i know i'm supposed to get an education-work in progress; and i know i'm supposed to keep the commandments to become more christ-like-work in progress. nothing in life feels complete right now--but that's alright. the fact is that life might not ever feel complete. it's all about the journey, not the destination, right? as long as i'm moving forward then whatever i am meant to do will come to me. this is how i moved forward this weekend.

-took a test-

-saw old friends-

-went to the temple-

-made a home cooked meal-

-spent quality time with my family-

-attempted to attend my nieces end-of-school dance programs-

-celebrated the engagement of the lovely mallory hales with our other jazz voices friends-

-ran (it's becoming an every other day thing. can't wait to have time to run everyday.)-

-talked with my friends who are gallivanting around italy- 

-attempted to be social in my new living environment-

-wrote my family newsletter entry-

-halfway completed a project-

-went grocery shopping-

-did some homework-

-read my scriptures-

-attended church-

all in all it's been a productive weekend. i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing right now. but as long as i'm just doing something-just being something, then i'm doing alright. just be.

be moved.

"live to the point of tears." -albert camus


two shows that i have seen lately definitely moved me to tears and inspired me to keep living to the point of tears. i went to see the secret garden at the hale center (with the lovely jessie j) and oh my gosh. to say i was moved to the point of tears is a huge understatement. it was fantastic and it literally changed my life. i'm most likely going to go see it again. if anyone wants to join me, let me know. it runs at the hale center theater in orem until june 2 for anyone who is interested. go see it. you won't regret it. 

i also went to ingrid michaelson's concert and let me tell you, she is one talented lady. i cannot believe how much i'm in love with her music right now. i've been on an ingrid kick for a few months now. it seems like every song finds a place in my heart and i can relate to them all in one way or another. i'm so glad emmy was able to come with me. concerts have turned into our thing and i sure needed her that night, so it was great to be there together. i also loved seeing kirstyn afterwards and sharing stories with sadie from the concert. we're all such big fans. em and i forgot our id's so we weren't cool enough to be up on the balcony with kirst and her darling friends. next time. here's one of my favorite videos from the night. i highly recommend looking up others of hers. they won't disappoint.