be hopeful.

"i haven't a clue as to how my story will end. but that's all right. when you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that's when you discover the stars." -nancy willard

life throws a mean curve ball at times. things happen that aren't in the plan and you just need to deal with it and go on. easier said than done? i think so. for some reason i have been dreading this post. ok i know the reason. but i still cant find the right words for it. a picture is worth a thousand words so i'll post some of those. i had a wonderful time with derek davis. it was so wonderful for a little while that it almost feels like it was a dream. ah see here i go... i just spent ten minutes trying to think about what to say next. words are too hard to find. eh, maybe i'll stick to  borrowing someone else's words to try and explain this curve ball that came at me. 

"the true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions." -deci and flaste

"adamantine: utterly unyielding or firm in attitude or opinion." -dictionary

"but i would rather feel the sting, than never to have felt a thing." -ingrid michaelson

"the most important principle of timing is to take the long view. mortality is just a small slice of eternity, but how we conduct ourselves here--what we become by our actions and desires...will shape our destiny for all eternity. anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. then you can await to the lord's timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity." -dallin h oaks.

i tell myself that it is ok to just be. well right now i don't know if that is enough. right now i know i need to be more than just present in the world. so i'm choosing to just be hopeful. hopeful for the future and the new "stars" that i will discover.  

be enchanted.

*disclaimer: this has been a draft since the beginning of january. a lot has changed but i still feel like i should post it. new posts filled with current details will soon follow.*

this "be" statement doesn't come from the book (no i'm still not finished doing a post with every "be" in the book... i've been blog slacking big time lately. the reasons for which will be said later in this post) but the word enchanted perfectly describes my life as of late.
i don't have a huge desire to go into detail about everything i've missed so i won't. i'll regret it later but that's ok.


thanksgiving
-enjoyed a great long break half in logan, half in provo
-did not enjoy my first day apart from mr. davis
-did the following traditions at my aunt kathie and uncle alfred's beautifully decorated home: ate dinner until tummy hurt yet still had room for pie, had a "santa clause" marathon, and went back the day after thanksgiving for leftovers

first half of december 
melanie, lucy, owen, and van made studying for finals nearly impossible by gracing us with their presence for two weeks.
activities of these weeks included the following:
*seeing a number of plays with derek
*watching owen dance along to "step in time" from mary poppins
*listening to christmas music 24/7
*running the 5k santa run with mel, ash, lucy, mikelle, and diesel
*an extreme.pj.sleepover.combined.birthday.party for lucy and ash
*going to see a christmas show written by dereks brother tj "12.25 a merry musical comedy" in logan (we enjoyed a delightful dinner at dereks home before. his mother is amazing.)
*letting owen borrow my phone at least four times a day to play my talking tom cat game.
*decorating gingerbread cookies party/part of our christmas eve program early while everyone was in town
*seriously the most minimal studying i've ever done for finals
*a plethora of choir concerts
*caught the last of the traditional cedar city girls christmas get together
*enjoyed a dinner (cut short by me unfortunately) with the girlies before cal moved to texas
*went to the eclipse concert with diesel


second half of december 
from the 16th to the 29th of december ash and i were able to be in florida with scott, anna, adi, and ayzie. it was so good to see them. they weren't able to come join us for last summers festivities so after much planning and waiting we finally made it to florida to see them. ash and i flew to orlando where we met scott and spent three glorious, enchanting days at the wizarding world of harry potter. ok so we didnt really spend three days straight at wwhp. we spent a good amount of time at orlando studios and island of adventure too. the rides were fantastic, the food was fast and expensive, mannheim steamroller did a free show while we were there, and it was just great to spend time with my sis and bro. harry potter world was for sure the coolest part though, and the entire reason why we went.
highlights:
-first seeing the castle while hearing the hp theme playing in the distance as we walked towards the [magical] wizarding world of harry potter.
-luna lovegood in the bathroom.
-butterbeer (i need to find the real recipe).
-dragon challenge ride, shortest lines always and for sure one of the best rides in the whole park.
-looking in all the window shops, they had so much detail i just wish they had more shops open to walk around in.
-seeing magic happen as the wand choose the wizard at ollivander's shop.
-trying to guess which movie the song that was currently playing was from.
-eating at the three broomsticks.
-hearing harry potter music all of the time.
-honeydukes.
-feeling like i was only a few feet away from dumbledore, harry, ron and hermione. love holograms.
-purchasing my own wand (a replica of luna lovegoods) and one for dies (a replica of viktor krums because he's the most manly man in harry potter).
-getting a picture in front of the hogwarts express.
-purchasing far too many souvenirs: 2 wands, a jacket, a hat, a necklace, a key chain, a griffindor quidditch jersey...
-seeing our friends from Beauxbatons academy and Durmstrang perform.
-sending postcards to our muggle families back home.
-drooling over the sweet robes, a legit marauders map, and other attire at the stores (one robe=100 big ones $$).
-i could go on and on. basically it was a wonderfully enchanting weekend at the wizarding world of harry potter. oh yeah and at universal studios. we had a lot of fun there too. the three of us definitely got in all the rides we could handle for those three days.

the rest of our time in florida was spent at scott and anna's home with two of the cutest girls on earth. it was so fun to see them in person (instead of via skype) and to see their personalities come to life even more. i love when ayzie would start shouting/singing "elbow elbow elbow..." (a song from little einstines) while sitting on the toilet. i loved watching adi dance her little heart out to just dance for kids. anna was our personal masseuse one night and gave ash and i neck and should massages. she's a saint and the best sister a girl could ask for. we loved visiting the lighthouse and of course the beach (christmas eve on the beach was a new experience for me this year). we loved going to the navy and airforce museum. we loved going shopping in _____ (my wallet didn't though. 5 pairs of sperry's later...) and visiting our cousins via our fish cousins in ________ tinley, jake and their adorable kids. we loved going to the mckaw bird house and feeding the birds. we loved watching all the cheesy hallmark christmas movies with anna. most importantly we just loved being with them. i will love the day when disapparating becomes possible for us muggles and we can visit our family members as often as we want because it will be free, quick, and simple, no matter how far away they live. thanks for a great christmas break scott and anna.

january (until now)

• the day after i got home from florida i went up to logan to be with derek and his family. you better bet i missed my handsome man while i was gone. we had never been apart more than a day and here we spent almost our entire christmas break apart from each other. but it was good for us though. we went skiing with tj, erin, tanner, carter, and hayden at snow basin. it was a blast. i hadn't been skiing in about ten years so i was definitely accompanying the young boys on the jr. mountain for a bit. after a couple hours on the little hill i decided i was ready to go down the big boy run with dies. we rode the gondola for quite some time and went much higher than i was expecting. after all, i had only been skiing at sundance which is a lot smaller than snow basin. we got off the lift and i started freaking out because i felt like i had to ski off a cliff. lets just say i made dies go ahead of me so i could take my time going zig zag the whole way down. it was a fun day filled with cute brave boys, numb toes, and warm cookies. 

• we spent new years in logan at erin and tj's with whit and jd. em and jeff stopped by for a minute because they were in town with jeff's family. i had a pretty bad headache (i'm pretty sure i've had some illness on new years for the last ten years...) so i don't remember much about midnight other than the kiss i got from my lover and lady gaga's outfit. 
• the new semester started way too soon but i am so excited about my new major, family life. my classes seem great and i think this will be a really good change.  

be resilient.

be resilient.
there is nothing we can't live down, rise above or overcome. -ella wheeler wilcox
i am still slightly suffering from an unfortunate clumsy moment i had last sunday. i went to logan with derek for part of the weekend to spend time with his family. i had more than a good time, soaked in every minute we spent with his lovely family, and i sprained my ankle. not the best way i could have ended our weekend but it was so worth it. we were playing an intense game of 3 bases (tag with some tricky rules and twists) and i tried to tag jd, the byu football star. bad idea. 4 stairs and 1 thud later, and i was on the floor. i was trying so hard to be tough and didn't cry at all. it is still quite swollen and bruised but im walking and driving fine. i wouldn't have changed anything about my weekend.

be happy.

"the principal thing in this world is to keep one's soul aloft."

happiness is found in a variety of things. these are a few things that have made me very happy lately. 

crunchy fall leaves beneath my feet

warm butternut squash soup on a cold fall day

saying the same thing as my sister at the exact same time

this guy 

serving a chinese family at la jolla

new born babies

going to see sytycd with derek and his fam

looking at the mountains and seeing the brilliant red and orange trees

cute old couples that eat at applebees at 11 pm on a wednesday evening

pumpkin flavored baked goods

new friends 

fall is by far my most favorite time of year. this year i have been particularly mindful and appreciative of what makes this season my favorite. 

be amazing.

"it is up to you to illuminate the world."


great ending to a very long day. 

(one of my favorite dances)

seeing thriller definitely put me in the halloween mood... 

be committed.

"from a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. that is the point that must be reached." -franz kafka

tonight i got home from institute and to my surprise there was a pan of fresh baked apple crisp cooling on top of the stove. my sweet father made that today. he may not have made it for me, or for anyone else in the family, but  he did it, that's what matters. 
apple crisp is a real indicator to me that fall has begun. apple crisp is a common treat in the whitaker home, and my dad did not let anything stop this fall from being any different. 
today the sky was gloomy. the cement and trees were wet from rain and i got the feeling that a lot of spirits were in that same gloomy mood. nothing treats a case of the blues better than warm apple crisp. 

be still.

"when you become quiet, it just dawns on you." -thomas edison

this quote is exactly why i love general conference. i love being able to say no i can't work, no i can't do something, no, no, no because i'm watching conference. all is quiet except for the marvelous words coming from our church leaders mouths. the ability to feel and listen to promptings of the spirit is so much easier. things truly just dawn on you. as i've gotten older i have come to really cherish conference and what it does for me personally. i'm so anxious to listen to or read the talks immediately after they're over. the fact that the lord gives us a modern day prophet, apostles and other leaders to guide and direct us and inform us of what he would have us know is amazing. i'm so blessed because of it. i'm so grateful for the guidance we get at conference and also what we get continually through the year via church magazines, devotionals, firesides, etc. i love the feeling of hope and strength i feel after conference. i hope that everyone had a great weekend also and feel that same burst of hope to press onward through our sad, sad world.