be humble.

"nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world." 

-francis p. church

alright, this post is kind of random and doesn't really fit perfectly with my "be humble" title but that's ok. i had to write a paper for a class on if i feel like an adult or not. i had a great time writing this (considering i put it ahead of two research papers that i haven't even started...and this isn't due until next wednesday) and i think it helped me realize where i'm at right now; it helped me be ok with it. 

They Made Me Grow Up A Little

There are times when I feel like an adult—when I buy my own groceries, when I go on a trip, or when I finish a big project for school. And then I take a look at my left hand ring finger. In that moment, my adult-like feelings are instantly overpowered by not feeling like an adult due to my marital status. Single. I know this is quite silly and I should get over it real soon because in a few years I will most definitely be an adult and that finger may still not have a ring on it. What will I do then? What is it about being married that would make me feel like an adult? I assume the actions of paying bills, being off my parents insurance, buying a car of my own, making dinner for my husband, not claiming myself as a dependent when doing taxes, and going to my own home—decorated and cleaned by yours truly—at the end of the day are what will make me feel like an adult. Having said all that, I think I still consider myself an adult. I just may not feel like one.

When I think of who I was right after graduating high school and who I am now, an almost college graduate, I am shocked at how much I’ve changed and how I’ve grown. I have had many experiences that I feel helped me mature, become more reliable, gain knowledge, and essentially learn how to be a “grown up”. I made new friends as a college freshman at SUU. Some I will have as friends for the rest of my life, and some were not making the best choices and I chose to not allow their influence in my life. During this time I had six guy friends get kicked out of the dorms for smoking weed. All were members of the church. My freshman year was a crucial time for me as I experienced little things like that all of the time. I had to make the decision of who I wanted to be—who I would be, regardless of the circumstance or the people I was with. These experiences made me grow up a little. As a resident assistant in the dorms at Southern Utah University I was put in charge of 26 girls, ages ranging from 17-24. I loved it a lot but I also dealt with situations I never dreamed of having to deal with. Each one made me grow up a little. I taught English in Bengbu, China to kindergartners (ages 3-7) and 2nd graders who knew little to no English, while knowing no Chinese myself. Six other teachers and I started the English program at that school and had to make sure all the correct foundations were laid for future teachers. Living with six other girls is hard enough. But living with six girls in a foreign country, in small rooms, needing to do everything with them all the time, and trying to compensate for certain personality traits including a lack of responsibility (in addition to a lack of cleaning) was extremely hard. I experienced independent traveling.  I realized the beauty of communication and how it can still happen when a language barrier is in the way.  Each experience I had while in China made me grow up a little. I learned what it was like to manage my time while I worked two jobs, started my last few years of college at Brigham Young University, held a calling in my ward and experienced continual personal testimony growth, stayed close to my family, and maintained a social life. Each balancing act I faced with my priorities and time made me grow up a little. I felt true heartache when a very serious relationship ended quite unexpectedly. I never wanted to feel that kind of hurt and despair but Heavenly Father used it to help me grow in unimaginable ways, some of which I still can’t see. Every aspect of getting over that relationship made me grow up a little.

Now I’m graduating college. I’m pushing through to the end and am trying to make every moment count because I know that one day I’ll miss this time of life. Over my college career I feel like I have experienced many things that have gotten me to where I am now. I may be moving back in with my parents for a little while, and I may not drive my own car yet, and I’m definitely not anywhere close to being married, but I still feel like an adult. I’ve experienced enough to make me grow up a little.